MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
