we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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