so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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