I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
