And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
