She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
