i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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