Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
