At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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