They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
