Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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