I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
did i walk over a car last night?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
This toilet bowl is my home.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
