The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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