But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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