just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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