I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
