It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
