Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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