ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize