We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
