the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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