he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
