those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize