She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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