Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
