what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
