What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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