my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
