Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
