Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just high enough for therapy.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
