I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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