I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
