I wish I only lived at night.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
