I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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