People in love make me want to vomit
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
