i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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