they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
