Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
