I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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