is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
