need another drink. this is the easiest way
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
