its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
