im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
