Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
