Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
