At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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