First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
