Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Less talking, more tequila
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Randomize
