As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
