Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
