When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize