you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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