If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
