It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize