I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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