make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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