paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
