Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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