So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize