This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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