Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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