wake up i wanna do it froggy style
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
