i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I think my fart just growled at me.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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