ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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