Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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