i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
