There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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