I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
